Vomit keeps rising in my throat. Maybe that’s a SLIGHT exaggeration, but I am definitely queasy right now. As I type this post, it’s 23.55pm on the 19th of December. That means Fractured Immortal is 24 hours and 5 minutes away from being released. It’s the first time I have ever put a book out there for all to see. And it is possibly one of the most nerve wracking things I have ever done.
Last night I had a nightmare that there was a huge error in my book. It was one of those dreams that felt 100% real. I’ve had them before and they usually manifest themselves when I have a lot on my mind. The first part of the week started out okay. I was a bit scared – actually, I was a lot scared but not as scared as I am right now. I love Fractured Immortal but what one person loves, another person loves not so much. Movies, music, flavors, fashion – just like books, opinions are subjective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Indeed.
One of my favorite quotes is If you’ve never failed, you’ve never tried. This quote has been credited to a lot of people but I’m pretty sure it came from the mouth of Albert Einstein. Yes, it’s difficult to write a book and, yes, it’s freaking scary as hell to take said book and give it wings. But – If I don’t try, I won’t fail…..hang on there one candytushed moment, that’s not right. But you see what I’m getting at? We all have things we’re scared of but we have to suck it up, swallow it (stop that right now) and expose ourselves. (Seriously, stop it.) Whether we fail or succeed is by the by, at least we tried. That’s what I mean.
Not everyone is going to like Fractured Immortal. Not everyone is going to like me. But I will suck it up. (possibly after rocking in the corner crying for an hour). Whatever. Because, hey – I wrote a book. I spent a year on it. Jumping on it, thumping it and smacking it into order with the help of some incredibly awesome people. And now, I’m giving it wings and sending it off out into the world. I know already that some people love it. I’ve not heard anything negative about it thus far, but give it time. But if I ever get a bad review, if I ever get someone say ‘what the actual * is this?’, I can shrug and know that at least a few people already love it as much as I do. I can also learn from what others think is missing or wrong.
When I started writing Fractured Immortal, I didn’t think I’d actually get it finished. I am the Queen of half done. THE QUEEN. My husband thinks it’s funny when I ramble around the house doing stuff because I start something then wander off and start something else without finishing. But this book wanted to be written. It insisted. So I wrote it, and by the end of it, I was so in love with the characters and the setting that as long as just one person felt the same way, I’d be happy. So I am. I am over the moon. So I’m going to continue to swallow down the scary, and work hard on the next book, because I’ll be releasing that ‘lil beastie into the world too, so look out for the ‘I’m crapping my pants’ post that will surely appear a few days prior to that release too.
For all of you writers out there, have faith in yourselves. (pot, kettle). If this little fruitcake from England can do it, you can too.
T-Minus 23hrs 24mins